The Mythical Comedy


To go and be someone is not my forte well to be honest I could not really do anything better for I am just someone who can’t achieve his dream. In a cruel twist of fate I am a college student and my name is Iris and for some odd reason I planned my life then to be a baker and in my head all I imagined was literally the paradise of bread; the sea of never ending bread. As I grew older that dream became more and more realistic for me. I went to Italy in search for my dream which may sound too boring for some because it’s only bread for them but for me it’s not like that because in my head it sounded like “BREAD!!!!” *insert a high pitch note of a good singer here*.

I was walking through the streets of Venice with a friend of mine then she looked at me and said “I wish I could be a singer—” then I stopped her and I looked back in reply “Then I wish I would be like Beethoven so I won’t be able to hear it” at that very moment she looked at me like a python staking its prey and she held the baguette like a steel pipe and proceeded to beat me with it in the middle of the plaza in front of hundreds of people. Well it was the most embarrassing part of my life because I just got my pride handed to me by a baguette.

It was there when I got lost by myself which in the first place is an extremely bad idea. I roamed through various alleyways like some kind of an upbeat zombie or a gentleman from the Middle Ages. I looked around and thought to myself “If I shout would I find someone?” trust me it was the most logical sensing proposition in my head at that moment. I continued walking then someone grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and said “It’s too late now” which send shivers down my spine because I looked behind me and all I saw was a small guy which at that time I thought he was some kind of walking gnome ready to take revenge for when I kicked probably his relative when I was a child. Then I somehow fainted from either from the sheer fright or from hunger and exhaustion.

I woke up feeling like I went to a blimp and jumped without a parachute. They asked me how I felt and I and I said was okay and just nods because the lights felt like stale baguettes poking my eyes. I hid under the cover to recover my sight and from then I felt a sudden urge to run so I did all rational person would do and I ran with all my wobbly might. In my head I felt like a hero running to save someone but in reality I looked like Frankenstein’s monster on drugs. I wore jacket to cover my eyes from the sun which made me stand out even more as I waited for the bus.

As I arrived in the apartment complex I immediately went to my flat and looked at the mirror and that was when it struck me I am a girl so was so shocked because I thought I was a vampire. At first I was scared as all hell because I am in a place where there are steaks and I mean the wooden ones, garlic, and incinerating sun but the more I thought about it I felt more confident because at that very moment I thought I could be as great as Dracula and I went and ran circles around my apartment floor with a black blanket tied to me neck and screaming Dracula all over the place. This was a terrible idea because I looked like I was like a small kid running around pretending to be a superhero but in a body of a 25 year old lady who is pretending to be awesome. Then I heard a loud banging of the door and as I looked through the small hole it was the baguette wielding friend of mine.

She was wearing a shirt similar to the “Okay? Okay” from a popular book which shocked me because I gave that to her as a gag gift and now she is wearing it with full on confidence. I opened the door and before she even got a word out I burst out laughing and said “You love that shirt now?” she pouted and glared at me and in my head the image that I saw was a puffer fish with a steel baguette which made me question my imagination to some extent but crazy people will always be crazy I guess?

We talked about what happened to me that night and she joked about what I already know that I am a vampire. She looked at me and said “You know we are in a place where garlic is prevalent right? And I have a present to make you feel better” naturally I was happy so happy that I forgot that she doesn’t get present for me; while I held the box in my hands doubt started to creep up and I was scared so scared I just wanted to throw it away but if I did that I may get my pride handed to me again by a baguette.

I look at her and said “Well I trust you no matter what” I opened the box to see a piece of bread which made my day better because she gave me bread and as you know I love bread. As I picked it up it burned my fingers then she said “It’s the specialty right now in the bakery, the one you love, Garlic bread!” at that very moment as my palm collided with my face all I could say at that time is “Good god”

At that very moment all I did was to lay in bed in a fetal position with an imaginary pacifier which is in reality I was just sucking my thumb like a baby. And I admit it wasn’t the best time to sulk over but bread was my life and arguable still is and I loved garlic bread so much then so I can’t help but just cry it out. Silly to think that a “mythical being” cried because of bread but bread is love so ultimately bread is life and as I looked up at the ceiling but then I realized I should be out there and even if I am a vampire it’s going to be my legacy to be the first ever vampire baker well I am the only vampire I know so it’s speaking volumes in my head.

As I picked up again a bag of flour and started to knead a dough all the memories started to flood my brain with all the laughter and the smiles, the beating with baguettes, and a mythical misfortune somehow I am still happy and some may call it futile but in desperate times the one who is continuously spreading positivity is not futility but its leadership and I am leading the way on how a vampire would live the “dream”.

I went back to work and with unrivaled passion I baked my first loaf of bread with my new found energy well to be honest I am just trying to cheer myself up so I won’t just be a typical vampire drinking wine and doing nothing because they are too expensive and I have no work. With days full of misfortune when I collide with walls and poles it would seem too sad to ever go for it but I still stand as a person with a little bit of pride.

For all I knew it was too hopeless to follow my dreams and now it just adds to the cake. I maybe someone who is not really an outstanding person I fail a lot and not really do much from time to time but I want to change that now even if I collide with a few walls and manage to kiss poles well that’s just life and all we could do is roll with it, like they always say if you want something too light won’t cut it you need to continuously work for it and even if it means you manage to kiss inanimate objects or to be beaten by a baguette it’s going to be alright as long as you laugh it all off and you’ll be fine and I am speaking to the one reading this; being impatient has two way to do two things, to do things faster or to do things funnier and as always, Ciao.


BY: Riverside Chats, Feature and literary writer of STELLARIS


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